The Pie
by chill13
Summary: A short play about a pie and an explosive misunderstanding.


**This play is a request from a friend for her grandkids. (that's what I get for introducing them to Gilligan's Island) I know it's simple but it was written for eight and ten year-olds to remember.**

**THE PIE**

(THE PROFESSOR IS SITTING AT A TABLE INSIDE THE HUT HOLDING A LARGE BOWL. HE TURNS TO ADDRESS THE AUDIENCE)

PROFESSOR:

This formula for crude dynamite has come in mighty handy. It has enabled me to mine several useful metals from the other side of the island.

GILLIGAN:

(ENTERS STAGE LEFT, SULKING)

I hope Mary Ann's not still mad at me 'cuz I broke her plates. I was just trying to help her with the dishes.

(MARY ANN ENTERS STAGE RIGHT)

GILLIGAN:

Uh oh, here she comes. (HE QUICKLY DUCKS BEHIND THE WALL AND OUT OF MARY ANN'S SIGHT)

MARY ANN:

(TO HERSELF)

I hope the Professor is finished making that whisk. My coconut crème pies will be so much more fluffy when the crème is whipped properly. (SHE ENTERS THE HUT AND GREETS THE PROFESSOR BRIGHTLY) Hi, Professor.

PROFESSOR:

(SEEING MARY ANN HE GENTLY SETS THE BOWL DOWN)

Hello Mary Ann.

MARY ANN:

Is it finished yet?

(SHE LEANS AGAINST THE TABLE, ROCKING IT SLIGHTLY)

PROFESSOR:

Careful! (HE WARNS, GRABBING THE BOWL PROTECTIVELY) This dynamite is highly explosive.

GILLIGAN:

(HIS EYES WIDEN AS HE OVERHEARS) Dynamite?

PROFESSOR:

Here. (HE HANDS MARY ANN A WHISK) It's finished. I hope it is adequate.

MARY ANN:

Oh, it's perfect. It'll really add an extra kick to the pie I'm making for dinner tonight.

GILLIGAN:

(GASPS)

MARY ANN:

Gilligan broke some of my dishes this morning and I got a little mad at him, so I thought he deserved this surprise.

GILLIGAN:

(HORRIFIED OVER WHAT HE IS HEARING)

She's gonna blow me up and she calls this 'a little mad'?

MARY ANN:

I'm sure everybody else blast too.

(SHE LEAVES THE HUT AND EXITS STAGE RIGHT)

GILLIGAN:

Not if I can help it.

(HE TURNS AND RUNS RIGHT INTO GINGER WHO HAD ENTERED STAGE RIGHT)

GINGER:

(STARTLED AND SOMEWHAT INDIGNANT AT BEING RUN INTO)

Gilligan! Why are you in such a hurry?

GILLIGAN:

Whatever you do at dinner, don't touch the pie!

GINGER:

What are you talking about?

GILLIGAN:

Mary Ann is gonna kill us all. She's putting dynamite in the pie.

GINGER:

A coconut crème bomb? You know that reminds me of a movie I was once in about a secret agent who worked in a pastry shop as her cover. It was called 'Live and Let Pie'.

GILLIGAN:

So you believe me?!

GINGER:

Don't be silly, of course I don't. Mary Ann wouldn't do a thing like that. You've been listening to 'Murder Mystery Theatre' on the radio again. (SHE GIVES HIM A PATRONIZING PAT ON THE HEAD AND EXITS STAGE LEFT)

GILLIGAN:

B…but…

(HE JUST STANDS THERE LOOKING FRUSTRATED AND CONFUSED)

(HOWELLS ENTER STAGE LEFT)

GILLIGAN:

(RUNS FRANTICALLY TO THE HOWELLS AND BEGINS TO TALK EXCITEDLY) Mr. Howell, Mr. Howell! Mrs. Howell, Mrs. Howell!

MR. HOWLL:

Calm down, my boy, and tell us why you're so distraught.

GILLIGAN:

I'm not distraught I'm upset! Mary Ann's going to blow us all up! She put dynamite in the pie and…

MR. HOWELL:

Preposterous!

GILLIGAN:

It's not pasta it's pie. Haven't you been listening?

MR. HOWELL:

(WITH EACH WORD HE GIVES GILLIGAN A LITTLE SMACK WITH HIS RIDING CROP) Nonsense, poppycock, tommyrot, and as the younger generation might say 'baloney'!

MRS. HOWELL:

(PUTS A PONDERING FINGER TO HER CHIN)

Baloney?

MR. HOWELL:

It's a food of the masses, my Dear, nothing for you to worry your pretty little head about.

MRS. HOWELL:

Oh, you mean like domestic caviar?

MR. HOWELL:

Exactly right, Lovey.

(THE HOWELLS LEAVE GILLIGAN STANDING THERE AND EXIT STAGE RIGHT)

GILLIGAN:

(GRUMBLES TO HIMSELF)

The Skipper will believe me.

(STOMPS OFF STAGE RIGHT)

LATER

(SKIPPER ENTERS STAGE LEFT FOLLOWED CLOSELY BY GILLIGAN)

SKIPPER:

That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!

GILLIGAN:

But it's true!

SKIPPER:

Think, Gilligan. Why would Mary Ann do a thing like that?

GILLIGAN:

(GIVES A SMALL SHRUG)

Maybe she's sick of cooking for everybody.

SKIPPER:

Gilligan, your imagination is running away with you again.

GILLIGAN:

But I heard it with my own ears!

SKIPPER:

Were they attached to your head at the time?

GILLIGAN:

If anybody touches that pie we'll all go 'BOOM'!

SKIPPER:

Nobody's going to go 'boom'

GILLIGAN:

'Bang'!

SKIPPER:

Not 'bang' either.

GILLIGAN:

Kablooie!

SKIPPER:

Gilligan!

(GIVES GILLIGAN A WHACK OVER THE HEAD WITH HIS HAT)

(MARY ANN ENTERS STAGE RIGHT CARRYING A PIE)

MARY ANN:

Hi, guys! Look what I made for dessert tonight.

(SHE DISPLAYS THE PIE PROUDLY)

GILLIGAN:

(GASPS IN FRIGHT)

MARY ANN:

I made it a little different this time and I think the crème will blow you away!

GILLIGAN:

(TURNS EXCITEDLY TO THE SKIPPER) See! See! I told you! Nobody make any sudden moves. (HE THROWS HIS ARMS OUT AS IF TO STILL EVERYONE) If she drops it we'll all be blown to confetti!

MARY ANN:

What are you talking about?

SKIPPER:

(ROLLS HIS EYES WITH A HUFF)

He thinks you're going to blow us all up.

MARY ANN:

(SHOCKED AND CONFUSED)

What!?

GILLIGAN:

(POINTS AN ACCUSING FINGER AT HER)

Don't deny it! I heard you and the Professor talking. You've got dynamite in that pie!

MARY ANN:

(SHE GETS MORE ANGRY WITH EVERY WORD)

You thought that I…that this pie was…that I would…oooh!

GILLIGAN:

(SCREAMS, OBVIOUSLY THINKING THE PIE WILL EXPLODE)

(WITH THAT MARY ANN SHOVES THE PIE DIRECTLY INTO GILLIGAN'S FACE)

THE END

6


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